dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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