This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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