Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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