My sheets look like a crime scene.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
