dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
