I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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