You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
