You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
