Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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