somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What drink are we having for lunch?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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