I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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