I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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