how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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