I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
