So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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