I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
