I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
