life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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