my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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