I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
