White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
