hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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