I smell stomach acid.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
