these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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