Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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