So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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