Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
birth control should be required to get into college
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Randomize
