I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
