I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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