Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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