I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
17 year olds will be the death of me.
a search helicopter?!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
