Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
im calling her cock vulture from now on
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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