DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
