Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
