So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
