his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
should my penis look like a turkey
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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