why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
