I think im going to throw up on grandma
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
