Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
