The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
how does that bad decision feel?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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