we have officially lost it.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
