grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
