I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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