i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We are two peas in an std pod
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
