I wish I could teleport
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
