i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
