Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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