no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
