summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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