Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Text me some of your sweat
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