I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
