they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
