Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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