Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
