i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
