and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
