and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
