girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
