do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
