worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
