is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
