In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize