We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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