honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
