found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
