u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
